I vistied Gary's grave today. I brought Patsy our dog with me. She was very good, she lay beside the grave whilst I cut the grass on the grave, laid a fresh bunch of flowers and had a little chat with Gary. Such as, letting him know how I am keeping, letting him know I am still working away and our friends in Carluke are all keeping well. Most importantly of all I let him know that he is never far from my thoughts and even though it will be 5 years ago next Wednesday that he passed away at home, I miss and love him. There are times I still expect him to walk in the door. As Gary's plot is not far from his parents plot I always visit their grave and ask them to look after Gary as I know he is reunited with them.

Tricia Gary's loving partner.
Patricia McCann:
12/09/2021
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Left by Patricia McCann:
06/09/2021
It was on Monday 5th September 2016 that I received a telephone call from WGH, informing me Gary had an appointment on the Thursday 8th September for a lung biopsy of his right lung. We were previously informed this biopsy would identify the type of lung cancer Gary had before deciding on the appropriate treatment. Prior to this news over the 3rd and 4th September I noticed Gary was becoming breathless, thus on the 5th September Gary was commenced on an antibiotic for a chest infection. This worried me greatly and I ensured that he took his medication as prescribed. At this point I was keeping a record of all Gary's oral medication, especially breakthrough meds. It was on this day that 2 of Gary's old friends decided to visit Gary in our home. I was glad of this and I left them to have a good old chat. By Tuesday 6th September Gary seemed to be picking up from his chest infection. Gary and I attended a GP appointment that he had with his GP. As always in this uncertain time I was with Gary 24/7 and could not wait till the Thursday for Gary to have his lung biopsy. Gary's sleeping pattern was changed, it depended on how much pain he was experiencing. When he was pain free he would sleep 2 hours, when he was not I was awake by his side, comforting, supporting, and doing my best to encourage Gary to remain positive. In circumstances like this I felt I needed to muster the strength for both of. Unknown to Gary my heart was breaking.

Tricia Gary's loving partner.
Patricia McCann:
06/09/2021
Comment
Friday 6th September 2016. Palliative care nurse visited. She introduced herself to Gary and began discussing with Gary his symptoms and pain medication, and made alterations to same. I already knew this nurse in my capacity as a District Nursing Sister. I was careful in not interrupting their conversation, thus allowing Gary the time to explain to her his symptoms. It broke my heart that day as even though I tried to stay positive, I realised how unwell Gary was. In front of Gary I remained positive and supportive, inside I was heartbroken. Looking back on events, ( hindsight I believe it is called). I was still clinging to the hope that Gary would be alright. (In circumstances like this, in private, you pray to the god you believe in). The palliative care nurse informed Gary and I that she would visit again the following Monday. I was glad she visited and so too was Gary at that point Gary and I's main concern was for the pain he was experiencing to be kept under control. I informed the palliative care nurse that we were waiting for an appointment for Gary to have a biopsy of his right lung, as Gary and I were informed to identify the the type of cancer Gary had so as the treatment Gary would receive would be the most effective for the type of lung cancer he had. Gary stated to me he felt confident in the palliative care nurse. I was glad of that. When Gary was asleep when he was free of pain and able too sleep. I am glad that I had the support of my daughter, and my sisters who I would telephone for support.

Tricia Gary's loving partner.
Patricia McCann:
02/09/2021
Comment
Wednesday 24th August 2016. Gary had his CT Scan off of his lungs, as always I was by his side when he had this scan, we were informed to come back a week later on 31st August to to be informed by the specialist of the results. My mind was in turmoil following his scan. As a nurse for over 43 years I was terrified of what the result would reveal. I private I prayed to god. I could see that day by day Gary was deteriorating. He was so brave. I think he tried to put on a brave face for my sake as I did for his. We both set off that day 31st August day to WGH to find out the results. It was devastating news to us both. The Consultant informed us that the CT Scan had shown that Gary had Cancer of his Right lung and not only that, it had spread to other parts of his body. The prognosis was poor. Gary was so brave that day after having being given that news. I was devastated and tried my best not to breakdown. On leaving the hospital on the drive home. I informed Gary out of a matter of respect for his oldest son Gary I advised Gary to telephone young Gary to let him know of his condition because at that point in time none of his family i.e. his sons, older brother, his younger sister were aware of Gary's health or diagnosis or his prognosis. Gary did as I asked. I was so upset that day that when Gary's 2 sons came o our house to take Gary to his sisters house to discuss his diagnosis I was so distraught, unknown to them, I thought it best to let them visit and let Gary inform his family.

Tricia Gary's loving partner.
Patricia McCann:
31/08/2021
Comment
Tuesday 23rd August 2016 was the day Gary and I attended his first appointment with the Respiratory consultant. The consultant checked Gary's personal details, his home address in Carluke, that he was living with me, his long term partner, what pain relief medication his GP had prescribed for his pain, and about Gary's past medical history. We were both informed by this consultant that Gary's chest x-ray showed changes, however the consultant did not go into any great depth as to what this meant. Gary's CT Scan of his lungs was to take place the next day on Wednesday 24th August. The Consultant stated that once the CT Scan had been carried out Gary would be called back to discuss the findings of the CT Scan. 24th August 2016 I attended the hospital with Gary and his CT Scan was carried out. I know Gary took great comfort in me being with him very step of the way. We were then informed that an appointment was made for the following Wednesday to discuss Gary's results. We both returned home. Each day my stress levels were rising, however I could not show this to Gary as I knew he relied on me for support. I continued to be with Gary 24/7. When Gary was awake, I was awake, when Gary slept for short periods I tried to do so too. In between, I would to try and relieve his back pain message his back, apply oils and hot packs and just be there for him, anything that would give him some relief. At this point all we could do was wait for the appointment the following Wednesday to be informed of the CT Scan results. In my mind I tried to convince myself that it cannot be anything serious. Gary was a heavy smoker. I thought maybe it will turn out to be Chronic Obstructive Airways Disease which has a good prognosis when treated early, that is the as they say the 'Straw that I held onto' whilst waiting for the appointment the following week with the Consultant. Gary did not at this point discuss with me what he was thinking was wrong with him, he was 'a man of few words'

Tricia
Patricia McCann:
23/08/2021
Comment
Wednesday 17th August 2016 our GP changed Gary's medication to a stronger controlled drug medication to try and control the back pain he was experiencing. I would sit for hours rubbing Gary's back and applying heat packs to his back no mater what time of day or night it was. The letter arrived the next day for an appointment for Gary to see a consultant respiratory doctor at WGH, it was arranged for the 23rd August. From the 17th August up until the 23rd August I spent every minute with Gary supporting him. When I had some time to myself usually when Gary had fallen asleep. I would telephone my Sisters Elizabeth and Barbara and keep them informed of what was happening, they gave me a lot of support and so too did my daughter. It is times like these that you need someone to talk too. Being a nurse myself for over 43 years I at this point remained positive especially for Gary. We would have to wait and see what the Consultant would say or decide on the 23rd.

Tricia Gary's partner
Patricia McCann:
20/08/2021
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I had a day off today from my work. I decided to visit Gary's grave and lay a bunch of fresh yellow roses, had my usual conversation with Gary, letting him know I am alright, still working away and missing him terribly. 16th August 2016 was a Tuesday, the following day after Gary's X-Ray of his lungs. Our GP telephoned us to let us know he had requested an urgent CT Scan of Gary's lungs and we would receive an appointment for this to be carried out, no date at that time was given, we had to wait for an appointment. With the knowledge and experience I have gained over 43 years in nursing I began to feel my stress levels rising. However I had to put them aside and support, reassure Gary. Gary was a man of few words, however I had lived with him for over 17 years and in that time I know that even he was a man of few words I because of the close relationship we had I knew what he was thinking and how he felt. I learned that sometimes words sometimes do not need to be spoken. He knew I would be there for him no matter what.

Gary's loving partner Tricia.
Patricia McCann:
16/08/2021
Comment
August 15th 2016 was a Monday, as Gary had been unwell over the weekend I persuaded him to go and see his GP that day. He did and the GP telephoned WGH to arrange an urgent scan of his lungs. This was arranged the same day and his GP would let him know the results the following day Tuesday 16th August. Gary, like me is one of those people from a generation who did not like to visit a GP as we were worried we would be wasting their time. Funny how people of our generation thought like that.

Tricia Gary's loving partner.
Patricia McCann:
15/08/2021
Comment
12th August 2016, I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Friday. I was at work and on Friday's Gary would drive home from work in Keswick. Before he drove home he telephoned me to let me know his back was still aching I remember saying to him " be careful driving home". Gary was always first to get home before me however that day I got home from work before him. I was sitting in the living room and when he walked in the door I looked at him and thought my god he looks, as they say 'done in'. I messaged his back all night to try and relieve the discomfort he was experiencing. Alas to no avail. I took him to Accident and Emergency on the Saturday. I was that concerned about this pain. Again to no avail. The nurse who assessed Gary stated make an appointment with your GP on Monday and he was sent home with pain killers. All that weekend I comforted Gary and tried to ease his pain by messaging his back, applying hot packs night and day and just being there for him 24/7, which he stated "gave him great comfort". The only thing we could do was to wait for Monday for Gary to see his GP. Memories can be happy or sad. This was one of my saddest memories.

Tricia Gary's loving partner.
Patricia McCann:
12/08/2021
Comment