At weekends Gary and I would spend all of Friday night, Saturday and Sundays together. Gary worked on contracts up and down the country as a result Gary worked away from home Monday to Fridays. Returning home Friday, early evening. During the week we always telephoned each other in the mornings, afternoons and evenings, how I miss those calls. Every time I called him on his mobile I would say "It's me" and he would always say "I know its you" I was always forgetting when I phoned my name would appear as the caller. How I wish I could call him to hear him say those words to me again. As soon as our little dog Patsy heard Gary's car come into the driveway she would jump up and look out the living room window, then run into the kitchen to wait at the door for Gary to enter. Patsy was so excited to see Gary. She still does the same to this day when she hears a car. Friday nights we spent with our friends from Carluke, over the years we had many a happy time spent with our friends. Saturdays we would do something different, we would go for a meal sometimes with friends sometimes on our own. Sundays were kept strictly for me and Gary to spend all day together before he had to return to work the next day for the rest of the week. I treasure the memories I keep in my heart of those times.

Tricia.

Tonight I feel a little lonely however when I need to cheer myself up apart from thinking off you Gary I look at the many Birthday cards Christmas cards, Valentine cards you sent me which I have kept over the past 21 years. There is one Christmas card that I adore. It is a boxed one. The male and female in it are dressed in the style of the Art Nouvale Era. The wording on each page is as follows. Sometimes it's not easy to find the right words...to let you know how much I love you and how special you are to me. When you came into my life you brought love, laughter and happiness...and when I look into your eyes I know you're the one I'll love forever. So at Christmas time I just want to remind you that you are the most important person in my life... and I adore you. With all my love today, tomorrow and always signed Gary XXXXX This is the most romantic card I have ever received in my life and I treasure it. xxx

September was always a time of the year Gary and I would go on holiday. Gary liked this time of year because whatever holiday resort we booked it was our of season and was not busy at that time of the year and you could get a good deal on a hotel or apartment. One of our favorite places was Ola in Portugal. The 5 star apartments were beautiful and we spent many a relaxing time there. Alas I miss Gary and our holidays. XXX

I visited Gary's grave today and placed a bouquet of Red roses on his grave. I visit Gary's grave frequently when I do I have a wee conversation with him, letting him know how I am getting on in life, as I know even though he is not of this earth I feel he can still hear me. Your loving partner Tricia xxx

Thursday Morning 15th September 2016 was the day Gary closed his eye's and fell asleep never to waken again. I was by his side when he passed away peacefully at home in Carluke. I was heartbroken. Gary and I's close friends came round to our house right away that morning as did my sisters. I do not know what I would have done without their support. Over the next couple of days their guidance, support and advice was tremendous as the arrangements for Gary's funeral had to be arranged. When you loose someone close you are a bit numb, upset and due to your grief thinking straight is difficult. I was glad for all their support. The undertaker and the Minister were also very supportive in helping me through the next few days until Gary's funeral which took place on Tuesday 20th September. Little did I know at that time I would rely on their support long after Gary's passing.

Wednesday 14th September 2016 was the day I brought Gary home from the hospital. He was glad to be home. He could hardly speak as he was loosing his voice. I sorted out all his medication and I kept a record and reminded him of the times he was to take his medication. Gary also came home with nebulised medication that he could take if required to help his breathing. My sister had stayed with me the night before I picked Gary up and she was glad to see Gary when he came home. My sister and her husband got on very well with Gary and they always liked his company. Any special family occasion's that took place in Ireland Gary and I were always invited. I was glad off my sisters support that day.

When I came home that night my sister who lives in Ireland had come home to stay with me. Both of us are nurses and she knew the difficult road I had ahead of me. She was worried about how I would cope as she knew I was alone. My only daughter also informed me that she had informed the company she worked with that she would be taking time of work to come and stay with me when Gary was back home to help and support me and Gary. Gary and my daughter always got along like as they say "Like a house on fire". She informed me she regarded Gary as her step dad. I was very proud of her.

Tuesday 13th September 2016 was the day I had an appointment to speak to the ward consultant, who was caring for Gary. Gary was desperate to come home. I did my best not to breakdown in tears when the news I was given from the consultant was not good. I informed the consultant that Gary wished to be discharged home. At that point Gary had been in hospital 6 days. I managed not to cry and kept a brave face when the consultant informed Gary he could go home. I sat with Gary until visiting time finished at 8pm. Gary said to me before I left come and pick me up as early as possible I said I would however the ward nurse informed us I could not pick him up until lunch time as his discharge medicines had to be organised I re-assured Gary as soon as his prescription was ready I would come and take him home. As always when I arrived home I text Gary to let him know I was home safely. I was glad he was coming home.

September is a time of the year when I think back to September 2016. Remembering Gary as I do with relatives from my family who are no longer with us but always present in our thoughts and heart.

From Thursday 8th September too Wednesday 14th September Gary was in hospital being treated for pneumonia. During those days I would visit Gary every day and sit with him from 3pm till 8pm until visiting finished. During that time we would chat away about different things. Then on Tuesday 13th Gary announced to me we will have to make a will. I think he knew in himself that he was not long for this world. But even as his health continued to deteriorate day by day Gary was thinking of me he stated "We will have to make a will" As he stated he wanted to make sure I would be looked after. Making a will was the furthest thing from my mind as my only concern was Gary and I stated to him "Gary do not worry about me or a will we can always make one out when you get back home". I remember he stated " Don't worry my boys will look after you. My heart sank because I could not tell him what I thought about what he truly thought, believed and stated. My heart was breaking every day I visited Gary as it is very hard watching a loved one deteriorate day by day and you know there is nothing you can do but pray and try to show a brave face. Gary hated hospital and on one occasion he telephoned me and stated "Come and get me right away and take me home" Gary's wish was to be at home. I brought Gary home on Wednesday 14 September. I knew within myself that he was getting to the point of End of life. During Gary's short illness Gary discussed with me his wishes of what was to happen when he passed away. Some of his wishes I managed to carry out others I could not for reasons that were out of my control. Gary never did have the opportunity to make a will as he passed away on 15th September 2016 the day after I brought him home. One of his wishes I was able to fulfill. Tricia.

Late Wednesday evening September 7th 2016 Gary's breathing changed. His breathing became worse around 12.30-1am , as I had no near family member to turn too I telephoned NHS 111. I was informed I had to take Gary to a Health center in Hamilton. Being born and bred in Glasgow and having little knowledge of Hamilton I panicked as I had no idea where this clinic was. However I entered the post code in Gary's SAAB satin ave car and was able to drive him to this clinic and in turn after a doctor assessed him I had to drive him to WGH were he was admitted into the Emergency Care Unit this occurred between 1-4am although it was a stressful time for me at that point in time I knew I had to ensure Gary was receiving the care he needed. How lonely I felt that night when I came home at 4am.