oh nana, i just want to see your face again, one hug, one kiss on my cheek, one last playing in the doll house, one last making dens under the tables and watching all the stuff fall over that we placed for the blankets to stay up (to add weight to them), we’d just giggle, one last hot chocolate when nights were dark, mum was at work, and it was lightening, but you made me feel safe with my hot chocolate in my winnie the pooh cup with the green lid. one last wearing ur skirts as a dress and pretending to act like you on the landing upstairs, one last trying to dodge the creaking step when walking up to the spare bedroom, one last making my tomato ketchup and butter on bread sandwiches (i know it sounds horrible but it’s really yummy) one last coming to your house when i was ill and you’d warm my milk up to put into my wheetabix, one last playing goldilocks and the three bears just by ourselves, one last opening my presents to find colourful bobbles, chosen for me by you. jessica-rose keeps me company from time to time but not the same way you did nan. i just wish cancer didn’t win, i wish it never happened. i only got to see your beautiful smile for 10 years of my life, and when you got sick, i still saw your beautiful smile because you didn’t want to cause anyone any pain or grief, but nana, i’m in so much pain without you. i’ve just started year 11 recently, and i feel like i’m doing everything wrong, without you here i feel there’s nobody to be proud of me, you were always proud of me no matter what i got or did, but now, not hearing your voice kills me, i’ve struggled so much lately and i’m still struggling, school tells me to get over it and accept it, but i honestly can’t, i miss our fairy cakes, i found ur recipe book and i’m going to try some but they’ll never be the same. i hope to look just like you when i grow older, beautiful, smart, and in love. you & grandad just couldn’t stay far apart for long enough that he had to leave too. i love you nana.
Phoebe:
07/09/2023