The obituary notice of Grahame RUDDOCK

Why does it feel like it’s getting harder Dad?

I know it isn’t getting harder, I know I’m not always in the state I was when you first left but when it gets me it feels like it’s just happens all over again.

I’m still trying to be good like you, I guess it doesn’t look like it a lot of the time to pretty much everyone but they don’t know how much ‘grandad’ is in me. I wish I was more like you or mum but I know I’m not ever gonna be as good as either of you. Mum still loves me and I’m so lucky to have her but here I am at 43 and most days it feels like my mum and my kids are the only people who ever will.

Those kids are a joy though you woulda loved them so much, Cara still loves you, still talks about you, she’s 12 now which doesn’t even seem possible but she is.

I could write on here for hours, I could do it every day. I’m not stupid or mad I know you are not here, I know this isn’t you but I got told a long time ago that nobody wants to hear me go on about missing you all the time and I think this helps.

I love you, I miss you I’m sorry x

Still miss you Dad still love you. Still cant bear the idea that my kids will never meet you, I'd give anything to just stand next to you for 1 minute.

Life is hard but i promise i am trying my best and i will keep on trying. Lee Johnson finally got sacked, we had a terrible season in pandemic but still didnt get relegated. Old Nigel Pearson is manager now and after having a season off cos of Pandemic ill be there missing you again next week.

I miss you so much Dad. This has been the slowest and fastest 6 years possible and I miss you every day. Me and Freyja had a son, his names Rex and he is 4 and a half now. He looks like you, especially when he was a baby and we have a two year old daughter, Ruby too. It’s not right that they didn’t get to meet you and you didn’t get to meet them but I promise they know you and as long as I am alive they’ll know more and more about you.

I’m trying my best to keep my promises to you. I’m so grateful for everything you were and everything you did for me. I know there is no afterlife, but on the off chance that there is then I’m sorry that I let Grandad catch up with you so quickly, you deserved a longer break and I’m sorry i didn’t do a better job of looking after Granny. She deserved more years too.

You missed so many things that would have made you laugh and scream at the same time. I blew up a nice car through negligence, I took Alex to Amsterdam and nearly killed him, I taught Rex to say some brilliant things and you would adore Ruby whilst being utterly terrified of her (we all are - even Freyja). City got a bit worse, then a lot better, then a bit worse and then better again and little Lee Johnson has been manager for several years now.

I promise I’m gonna keep trying to be A better man than I have. I’ll never be as good as you but I’ll never give up either. I love you Dad I wish I told you every single day.

From the day I joined the team in 2008 Grahame made me feel extremely welcome and nothing was ever too much trouble. He even managed to keep his sense of humour when I kept 'kangarooing' the automatic car we had for a trip to Nottingham

He kept us all going with his jokes and then with the exploits of baby Cara who was the apple of his eye.

My thoughts go out to the whole family.

Good night Grahame, thank you for being you