Dad, When you think of someone losing a parent, you simply think of never being able to see them again but it’s so much more than that. Since losing you, I’ve realised how much I miss and will miss. I don’t get to give you a hug goodnight. I don’t get to sit and talk about my day with you. I watch the football by myself now. I can’t hold your hand and tell you I love him. I can’t watch action films with you every night at 9pm. The songs we used to sing together, I sit and listen to by myself with tears streaming down my face. I can’t come in your room in the middle of the night and chat to you when I’m struggling. Whenever I make a cup of tea, there’s now always one less cup now. There’s no one to steal food off. I don’t get to sit there with you and spend hours laughing together and tourmenting everyone else. I won’t get to dance with you at my wedding. My children won’t meet you in person. Whoever I meet and spend my life with won’t get to see how truly amazing you are. I don’t even want to think about Christmas, birthdays and New Years. I don’t want to celebrate them any more. I don’t want to go on holiday. Not without you here. I have to hug your ashes in a box, I talk to you but you can’t talk back. I hold your belongings instead of your hand. It’s so strange and some days, I think I can hear you talking in your room until I realise that you aren’t here in person anymore.
Dad, Everything has changed. I miss you. I’ve always feared death but now I’m at comfort with it knowing that it means I will see you and be with you forever. My heart truly aches and every day gets harder and harder. The anger builds up, the tears get heavier, I can’t breathe. I just want to scream out. I’m confused and lost. I wish it could have been me. You shouldn’t have suffered like that. The only thing I know right now is that you had to leave to be pain free but I will never be pain free until I’m with you. I love you, endlessly. My Perfect Angel💙
Cara White:
24/10/2021
