I often wonder were all this time as gone, o often wonder were you have gone. It’s after having lost my first husband, nothing as ever been real since. I know but how I know o don’t understand. But death can not really mean the end. Well not in my world, what would be the point to life if death was the end. How come if you remember I used to give you the heebie jeebies, when I told you things were going to happen and they did. How can I feel you, and Steve. I don’t understand how or why these things happen. How I can sense things and you around but no I don’t quite understand why death is classed at the end. I remember when they said 6/8 months my prognosis and I looked him in the eyes and said no, I refuse to die they thought I was in denial but you knos phill I wasn’t I had never had my feet more firmly on the ground. I knew I would fight with everything I had, I have seen to many people go in there and come out crying. But I never once cried, those I felt who had cried had accepted their fate. Were I never once felt I was prepared for death. I knew instantly I would give cancer a run for its money. So here I am almost 11 years later, still
Living. I can imagine some of the things that have been said but I have always allowed anyone to come with me to say they were shocked was an understatement. But I knew one day it would catch up. But I can not moan I have met 3 grandchildren I never thought I would. Also quality of life was well and truly affected. It’s now having it in other parts of the body with heart failure to go with it. I still will not cry but I know my own personal battles are over. No more treatment no more of anything as my life has changed so drastically the quality is not always with living I say that from my heart of someone who totally refused to die. But the quality if I went for more treatment genuinely would not serve me well at all. So hey kiddo were every you are I will find you always xxxxxxx
Marjorie Hall-Venmore
20/04/2024
