The obituary notice of Maria Therese TOKER (Nee Hughes)

How has it been nearly two years since you passed away? It’s gone so fast, yet so slow in other ways!

We all miss you more than words can say, I think of you with every passing day.
I hope you’re with all the family up above and you are surrounded by laughter, kindness and love but most of all that you are at peace.

I’m trying so hard to appreciate all the kind things you’ve left behind for me but it’s honestly just so hard, I just wish things were different for you, I struggle because I do believe all our lives are mapped out for us, everything happens for a reason but then I ask God why where you dealt such a cruel hand in life, it makes me mad that there are horrible people with the worst intentions that get opportunities and get to live long lives and the hardest part is I’ll never get an answer to that question! I just have to accept that you are gone.

I wish I could see you, just one more time,
hear your voice and know that you are ok now. Though heaven feels so very far away, your memory lives in my heart every day.

So until we meet again, I’ll hold you near,
In every memory, through every tear.

Rest peacefully, wherever you may be.
And know you’ll always mean the world to me.

Always loved, never forgotten and forever missed Maria, lots of love Roisin

The last few days have been hard, I really wish things were different and that you were still here with us ……..

I know you're no longer here and I know you're at peace, I pray to God that you are, no amount of time can erase the love, the memories or the space you have left behind. I just still think you are in Meadway pottering about and then reality hits.

I still think about you every day and it’s taken so much strength to get to this point that I’m now gradually feeling more at peace with everything, I think I’ll always blame myself and feel guilt wishing i could have saved you and I wish more than anything things were different and it’s honestly been the worst time of my life trying to move on from your death, it all just feels like a huge blur, a bad dream, its felt like I have constantly been suffocating but I know you’d be glad that my heart is finally finding peace again now with everything, missing you will never end, it has just become a part of who I am now and that’s ok.

I’ve had a little chat to you today at your grave and blown kisses up to heaven.
Until we meet again Maria, you are loved endlessly and missed always xxxxx

Sometimes I look at the sky and wonder if you can still see us— if somehow you know how deeply you are missed, how often your name still comes up in conversations. Do you hear all the things I tell you? I hope you do!

I hope heaven is gentle with you.
I hope you are surrounded by peace.

There are still moments when I forget you’re gone but I hope you know that no amount of time could ever make you forgotten.

You were loved then, you are loved still
and you always will be. I promise to carry both your memory and your kindness with me forever xxxxx

I had a dream about you last night, I woke up crying, you were happy and free in the dream, we were all on holiday, everyone was there, we were all happy.

I like to believe you're at peace now, even though I feel like I am still trying to catch my breath over everything. Down here, I'm still figuring out how to move forward, I know I have to but I feel like I’m forgetting you and leaving you behind and that really hurts. All the kind things you’ve done and left behind for us all, it’s hard to accept because I’d give it all up just to have you back here because you deserved so much more from life.

Sometimes i think about our last conversation together in the hospital, I wish I’d have known to pay attention because i would have said so much more to you and slowly I’m starting to forget the words we spoke about that day but as I left that day, I told you I loved you and you said the same words back to me and I’ll always remember that.

I hope I find you again in the next life and we get to be best mukkas again, I hope one day you send me a sign and show me that I’m doing things right and making good choices. You are missed every day Maria, love you always xx

Another Christmas approaches without you Maria …….. it still just doesn’t feel real to me that you are gone, every day I think you’re coming back but I hope that Christmas in heaven is as special as can be, especially as you cannot be here with us, I hope Aunty Sara has joined you and you had a big Irish party to welcome her amongst the fluffy clouds with lots of treats, sweets and fun galore with the rest of the family.

I still think of you every single day and it’s just never got any easier, I’ve felt so alone at times in my grief because the sadness is just so overwhelming and even though i still have so much guilt when i have nice happy times with everyone, i’m learning day by day to live with it and know that you wouldn’t want me to feel guilty for starting to enjoy life again but what I wouldn't give to have you back here.

Merry Christmas my beautiful, gentle, cousin Maria, love you forever and always your ‘best mukka’ Róisín xxxxx