Telling a child that someone they love has died is perhaps one of the most daunting tasks a parent or guardian will ever face. Our natural instinct is to protect children from pain, but when a bereavement occurs, honesty delivered with compassion is the kindest approach. Navigating these difficult conversations requires patience and sensitivity, but by providing a safe space for their questions, you can help them begin their journey through grief in a healthy way.
Children, particularly younger ones, tend to be very literal in how they process information. While it may feel gentler to use euphemisms such as "we lost them," "they went to sleep," or "they have gone to a better place," these phrases can cause significant confusion and even long-term fear. A child might become afraid of the dark, worry about getting lost themselves, or expect the deceased to eventually "wake up" or "be found."
It is much better to use simple, age-appropriate language. Explain that the person’s body has stopped working and that the doctors could not fix it. While it is a difficult word to say, using the word "died" helps the child understand the permanence of the situation and prevents the anxiety that comes with misunderstanding.
Children process grief differently than adults. They often experience what experts call "puddling"—jumping in and out of grief throughout the day. One moment they may be crying or asking deep questions, and the next, they may want to go outside and play. This is a natural and healthy coping mechanism. Encourage them to express whatever they are feeling, whether it is sadness, anger, or even confusion. It is also helpful for them to see you express your own emotions; it teaches them that it is okay to be sad when we lose someone we love.
Sometimes, it can be hard to find the right words yourself. Books are a fantastic way to bridge the gap and help children visualise and understand their complex feelings. There are many great books to help teach your child about grief and loss that tackle the subject with incredible sensitivity. One such resource is The Laugh, a beautiful children’s book about love, laughter, and loss that can help frame the conversation in a more positive, legacy-focused light.
Grief is a long-term process, not a one-off conversation. Your child may ask the same questions repeatedly as they try to make sense of the world without their loved one. For more detailed advice on handling the weeks and months ahead, you can read our full feature on supporting children through grief: a parent’s guide.
When the time feels right, involving a child in the process of saying goodbye can offer vital closure. This might include helping to choose a photo for a memorial or placing a notice online to share memories with the wider community. By being open, honest, and present, you ensure that your child feels supported every step of the way.
