What is it like to be a funeral celebrant?
by Vicki Barlow & Caroline Kay
• Published 13/04/2023
A funeral celebrant officiates at a funeral service and is usually not connected with any religious beliefs or practices.
To help gain an understanding of what a celebrant does, we spoke with
Caroline Kay, a member of the
Association of Independent Celebrants, based in East Yorkshire.
After experiencing the loss of both my parents in 2014 bereavement became familiar to me, they both died within 6 months of each other. A huge part of the whole process surrounding the funeral service for me was getting "it right" for my parents who were both very different individuals, therefore I wanted a service that was unique to each of them.
With the help of the celebrant myself and my sister were able to achieve this and had a lot of input in the whole service, it made that difficult day a tiny bit easier knowing we had "got it right".
The thanks I felt towards the celebrant for helping to achieve this left me thinking that the job satisfaction they must get helping people at one of the most difficult times in their life must be very rewarding. From then on I knew it was something I wanted to do, however, my job at that time was as a senior long-haul cabin crew member for British Airways out of Heathrow and it was difficult to commit the time to train as I was away from home for long periods. That all changed during the pandemic so I decided to bite the bullet and retrain as a celebrant, it was a big step as it involved leaving the security of the job I had known for 26 years.
It is a decision that I have never looked back from. My whole motivation has been the desire to help people "get it right" for their loved ones during that final act of goodbye and to make that dreaded day, if possible, a little easier for them. When I get feedback reinforcing I have achieved this it is a very nice feeling.
My personal opinion is that everyone should undergo training to become a celebrant. I understand that there are different types of training which you can undertake: some are done just online, some are quite condensed and some do not involve any accreditation at the end.
I did my research and narrowed it down to quite an extensive course which involved distance learning modules followed by assessments, all of which took me 8 months to complete. This was followed by an intense week of residential training in Northampton which culminated in an exam and national accreditation, which is a Diploma in Funeral Celebrancy. I also belong to a trade organisation the AOIC which provides me with ongoing personal development, which I think is very important, to avoid complacency and to keep up to date with legislation and changes within the industry.
Yes. I did consider whether to do a wedding celebrant course, however, funerals are where I feel I want to be. Saying that I do offer memorial services and also scattering of ashes services, which were also part of my training.
Caroline Kay is qualified celebrant based in East Yorkshire
Usually, the funeral director will suggest a celebrant that they use when you go for the meeting with them as they usually have more than one celebrant they work with. However, like all aspects of a funeral, the choice should be yours.
You may have a particular celebrant in mind or have been to a service where you were impressed with the celebrant. If this is the case the funeral director should try and help you locate that celebrant.
There are ways to find out. For example, the name of that celebrant will be on the order of service cards or the funeral director who carried out the funeral would know.
There is also the internet and the power of social media. For example, I have my details and my profile on the directory of the
Association of Independent Celebrants (AOIC) website. You can just tap in your location and your local celebrants will come up. It will tell you all about them and where they work, for example, my profile shows I am willing to travel across both Hull and East Riding and Northern Lincolnshire area.
Ultimately the choice should be yours for all aspects of a funeral.
A celebrant-led funeral is, in my own opinion, a service purely about the person who has passed away.
It is an opportunity to tell their story, to play their music and to read relevant readings for them, it can be as you want it to be. Whereas a religious service is more about beliefs associated with that religion surrounding life and death with music and readings which represent that belief.
During my services, I often am asked for religious aspects like the Lord's Prayer or a hymn which are all something which can be incorporated within a civil funeral ceremony. However, I do not think if the service takes place within a religious dwelling a celebrant can do the service or non-religious music can be played. The Funeral Director should establish what type of led service you want when you first visit them and establish if you require a religious-led service or a celebrant-led service.
I haven't. I have had a chapel lined with motorbike helmets but this wasn't unusual for the person whose service it was as he was a keen biker, so it seemed just right for him.
I always say there is no right or wrong as long as it's personal to the person or to the family, we are all unique therefore all funerals should be unique.
The funeral can be as unique as the person
I always ask people to put the person who has passed central to the service. To consider what they would like, i.e. music, readings etc. I also ask them to consider finding a uniqueness to the individual, something that will remind mourners of them. Maybe something relevant could be placed on a coffin. It could be a photo but it may be something more personal and relevant for example for a keen photographer I placed his favourite camera, and for a lady who knitted for charity we had it draped in knitting and for the lady with the sweet tooth, we gave out chocolates.
I also like the family to collate as much information and history of the person ready for when I visit, and ask to see photographs of the individual.
Generally, though I am led by the family as to what they do want and don't want to incorporate.
Yes, I always contact my family around two weeks after the service to see if they want a nicely presented copy of the service script to keep.
We are getting better!
However, I still feel we should be more open when we are alive to the prospects faced when we die. One thing is for certain it is a journey we all must take. I recommend if you cannot talk with relatives or friends about death, then you write things down especially relating to your funeral. I believe in planning ahead. I see many families who are stressed because they feel they don't know what to do for the best, of course, I'm there to help but the information is always key.
How we experience and deal with Grief is unique to each of us.
My advice if you feel you are struggling to cope with your grief is to talk to somebody. It may be a friend or a relative, but there are also professional organisations that offer free grief chats, for example, the national charity
Cruse. Plus other charitable organisations will signpost you in the right direction if you need help.
Feeling grief is a natural human reaction when we lose what we love. Grief is love.Thanks to Caroline for taking the time to answer our questions, it is clear she is passionate about what she does.
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