What is it like to be a Funeral Director? (Part one)

Death and funerals are still considered taboo subjects. Although the sad events of the pandemic went some way to get people talking about it, there is still a way to go.

Funeral directors dedicate their lives to supporting families at their darkest moments yet there is still a lot we don't know about what they do and why they do it. Many of the funeral directors we work with at Funeral Notices are keen to share their story to encourage people to start thinking and talking about their plans for when they pass away.

In today's blog we talk to Funeral Director Gary Hetherington from Jayne Prior Funeral Directors in the North East of England.

Jayne Prior is an Independent Funeral Director providing professional and dignified funerals at a price that you can afford within Sunderland, South Tyneside and Teesside. Jayne, the business partner, is a well known and respected funeral director with a number of years of experience.

Scollen & Wright - October 2018 to October 2019.
Jayne Prior Funeral Directors - November 2019 - present.

Having served 30 years with the police I undertook some safeguarding work including case reviews. Whilst profitable this necessitated long distance travelling and I took the decision to look for work nearer home.

The post at Scollen & Wright was advertised locally so I looked into the ‘industry’. Several factors came to make this of interest:

* The public service element and face to face personal contact
* Exposure to a role within the private sector away from public sector employment
* Most importantly that the there were areas where I felt I could contribute to modernise the industry into a service.

Let’s be honest the last person anyone wants walking through their door is a funeral director. This however has both positives and negatives.

The lack of passing interest in the funeral sector means that many people have myths about the service especially around practice and profit margins but nevertheless see funeral directors as necessary at the time of need.

This lack of prior knowledge does however present huge opportunities to engage with families and work alongside them. Getting this right builds trust and long-lasting relationships with families. This is in stark contrast to my role in the police where trust in the police often went down following contact.

The lack of casual intrigue from many sectors generally means that many people simply don’t want to know what we do they just want the pain of loss to be taken away and decisions to be made on their behalf.

For example many people think, and indeed many organisations have tailored their services in the belief that, once a person dies you have to employ a funeral director. This of course is not true. It is convenient for funeral directors to perpetuate this myth as not only does it create employment it also tends to let some funeral directors dictate the service customers will receive.

There are many challenges to my role that combine together:

* Physical demands include removal of persons from homes and bearing on the day of the funeral
* Restrictions on private life - currently on 24 hour on-call rota for 7 days (9am Mon to 9am Mon) once in every 3 weeks
* Emotional - despite the constant exposure to grief and death this still has an impact personally, especially with the young or when circumstances mirror our own experiences
* Professional skills - attaining and maintaining procedural and legal requirements to fit not only different circumstances but also changes in requirements from individual providers (especially from one local authority to the next)
* Co-ordination and negotiation. Project management is key in delivering all services in harmony.
* Compassion - The hardest skill of all is being able to connect with families so you can understand their needs despite the fog of grief they are facing. As funeral directors we can sell many things but we can’t sell the two things families truly need and that is simply care and love.

Gary is very open and honest about his life as a funeral director and speaking to him has opened my eyes to the level of commitment needed to work in the funeral sector.

Keep checking our blog page for part two of our conversation with Gary where he talks more about the funeral services he arranges, planning funerals and how society views death.

Read our previous blogs here.

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